Jim Kalafus and I co-wrote this faux cowboy waltz. I don't know why.
'Twas once in the saddle
I used to herd cattle
And yodel beneath Heaven's dome
But I've lost the battle
My bones they doth rattle
And they're gonna send me to The Home.
The Home! (the home)
The Home! (the home)
They're gonna put me in The Home
I used to shoot varmints
Now Depend Undergarments
Are what I will wear in The Home.
Oh I've done some killin'
And I've fought some villains
My exploits would make a great tome
But partial paralysis
And kidney dialysis
Are what I will fight in The Home.
The Home! (the home)
The Home! (the home)
They're gonna put me in The Home
Oh I used to shoot 'em
Now I'm coughin' up sputum
For that's what you do in The Home.
Oh I ate beef jerkey
And drank my Wild Turkey
As out o'er the range I did roam
My diet was splendid
But now it's rescinded
And I'm gumming puree in The Home.
The Home! (the home)
The Home! (the home)
They're starving me here in The Home
I stare in defeat
At the cold cream of wheat
That they give us to eat in The Home.
I shot off my jizzum
Way out on the Chisolm
And from Arizona to Nome
I got lots of tail
Off of Trigger and Dale
Now I'm passing blood in the Home.
The Home! (The Home!)
The Home! (The Home!)
I'm catheterized in The Home
Oh, sad is my fate
For an enlarged prostate
Hath hobbled my gait in The Home.
