Thumper the Dog

And Killer the Dog dwelt in the land in those days. And he wandered afar. We sought after him and found him not. Each day we did journey to the pound and asked of those there: Hast thou seen our dog? And they sayeth: We have not. And we were sore aggrieved in our hearts,  and tore our clothing. And the days we searched for Killer the Dog were one score and ten.

And it came to pass that we did search that part of the pound in which were caged the lame, and the crippled, and the infirm, and the halt; and these ones were to die. And their cages were of polished steel, and shone brightly. And behold, a wretched young red dog did seek to gain our attention. And he was weak, and sick, and mute, and he smelleth. But his tail was as strong as an hundred dogs. And he did beat his tail against the side of his cage, and the sound was like unto a kettle drum. And we marveled at what we had seen and heard, and we spake one unto another, saying: Let us go even unto our house, and take with us this dog. And his named shall be called Thumper the Dog; Thump; Li'l Fump; Kuala Thumpur; Thump Doggy Dogg. For we hath heard him thump in the bowels of the prison of damned dogs.

And so it was that we did return home with the dog. And we gave unto him food, and drink, and a bed. And we tieth a knot into a sock, and it was his toy. And we gave unto him a yard, where he did run and void his offal. And we bathed him muchly, for he smelleth. And we gave unto him treats. And the dog did grow in strength and stature, and the multitudes were in awe of him, for he was the best little red dog ever. 

And Thumper the Dog opened his mouth and spake, saying:

Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!

And it was good. For many years, it was good.

Until at last the countenance of the dog grew ashen, and his eyes groweth dim. And his legs did move as he slept, but he runneth not, for he was growing lame. And he spurneth food, for there was no pleasure in it. And we didst force opiates into his gigantic maw, for he was in pain; but he clenched his aged teeth against them. And the postman cometh up the pathway, but the dog barketh not, for he had grown weary. And he was deaf, and heareth not squat, and didst cease his singing. For lo, the hour is nigh, as it is written...